REVIEW: Things aren't looking good for Marvel's Inhumans

A review by Celestine Lasquety

I’m not fucking kidding when I say I write this review with a heavy heart. It’s the fucking Inhumans and I highly doubt you’ll find a bigger fan than I am. I watched it twice, wasting P940.00 on IMAX tickets. That alone should give you a clue as to what you should expect from this review. I’ve been waiting for this back then when Vin Diesel was said to be cast as Black Bolt (if you think this is a horrible idea then watch the damn show and you’ll be begging this actually came through). I can’t even get through the introduction without rants so let’s get started. 

The Inhumans have been a mainstay of Marvel comics for ages, their place in the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been fucked with time and time again with much expected uncertainty. How do you even give footing to the Inhumans’ epic, story in a “realistic” world like the MCU? It’s fucking Game of Thrones in space including the fucking incest. Black Bolt and Medusa are cousins. Every great story about the Inhumans is about family drama, it is the majesty of their world that sets them apart from other Marvel characters. The Inhumans’ drama is deeply rooted in resentments, betrayals, and power struggles that are the natural byproduct of monarchies both fictional and real. Again, fucking Game of Thrones in space. The Royal Family are literal kings and queens battling for the control of the throne and the fate of their people. Theirs is the sort of story that would be difficult to bring to a movie or TV screen, even in the best of circumstances, and what does ABC do? Choose Scott Buck. The man responsible for botching the fucking Iron Fist. It was less painful to watch but still made me want to stab myself with a plastic spoon on the neck multiple times as I sat through it painfully. The complications that led to Marvel revamping the Inhumans movie as a TV show are apparent the moment that Inhumans begins. The evident lack of imagination in set design, character development and vision as a whole haunts you as it falls short greatly on expectations.

I was thinking of making a detailed summary of the first two episodes but I want this to be as spoiler free as possible. From here onwards I’ll be discussing the 2 main plots and character overview so if you’re cool with that then by all means feel free to read on. If you’re a hardcore Inhumans fan then obviously the main inspiration of the series was taken from Inhumans Volume 2 (Marvel Knights) by Jae Lee and Paul Jenkins but sadly the dark elements which made the story great weren’t simply there. After briefly introducing the characters it starts off with Maximus immediately (with minimal to no build up whatsofuckingever) throwing a coup to overthrow King Black Bolt and the rest of the Royal Family. This is where Lockjaw, the lovable teleporting but stupid dog plays a huge part as he and his owner Princess Crystal work together as they teleport the rest of the Royal Family out of Attilan to Hawaii. Why fuckin Hawaii? Coz “The Operative” Triton was killed (within 3 fucking minutes of the show!) in Hawaii trying to help a new Inhuman at the start of the show so Gorgon is sent to retrieve the body or look for him. Instead of bringing the whole Royal Family together, Lockjaw sends them to different parts of the island. Hence the “Where’s the fucking Inhuman” game each of them are forced to play simply coz of Lockjaw’s stupidity. It ends after showing each character’s situation as they’re adjusting to their new surroundings, planning what to do next or contemplating what the fuck to do. I kept most details out of it but the next part which is character development may have details which can be considered spoilers.

Black Bolt

When you read about Black Bolt you immediately get that sense of dominance. He’s a king that can’t fucking speak and if he does, half of the fuckin planet would probably be obliterated. There’s always calculated strength with his actions. You see him and you immediately know he’s King of the Inhumans. Silver Surfer even said this on their first encounter. You just know. This is where Anson Mount failed to deliver. He looked like a confused mime half of the time and I don’t understand why they couldn’t capitalize on the fact that he’s a fuckin telepath as he converses with his Royal Family. The hand gestures were downright weird. He did have his moments, especially when he and Medusa were together. I’d have to give it to them that their dynamic wasn’t bad.

Medusa

One of the very few characters I didn’t have to complain about much. Serinda Swan got the “I will fuckin destroy you if you cross me” attitude of Medusa on the get go. It even gets dark as at one point she tells Black Bolt that they’ll hang Maximus at the tallest wall of Attilan. Then again Medusa is a dark character. The big fuck up with this character was the hair. It was short and weak as fuck. Maximus shaves her fuckin head with a commercial clipper. WHAT THE HELL. It was obviously also a move to cut down on budget as they couldn’t CGI the damn thing all the time but to cut it with a fuckin clipper?! Let’s say the clipper werefuckinAttilan made… how about change the damn look of it as not to highlight the flaw on this scene. Her hair deflects energy blasts but couldn’t take a clipper. Great.

Maximus

My issue with the character wasn’t with the actor but with the backstory. Maximus has mind control and is a genius on the level of Reed Richards. He’s considered to be a great inventor as well. Here in the show he’s not even Inhuman. Apparently the Terregenisis (The process in which they attain their Inhuman powers) didn’t work on him so he ends up playing the whiney, manipulative brother who wants the throne. There’s only so much you can do with that. Bland speeches,manipulative converstations and a show of power every now and then. Such a waste of that rich backstory they could have capitalized on.

Triton

He “dies” 3 minutes into the show. What the flying fuck. If you’re a fan you’d be really pissed lol!

Gorgon

His dynamic with his cousin Karnak was painful to watch. I hated every scene with this character as every single line seemed forced and don’t get me started with the hooves. They’re furry boots. Seeing his portrayal wanted me to flip a table or throw something. Get this..as Lockjaw transports him to Hawaii, he ends up hanging with a group of fucking surfers who simply go “So you’re one of those Inhumans they speak of” like the hooves and weird costume-ey clothing didn’t freak em out. He chills with em, drinks beer and tells em about his mission. They fucked writing the charater so bad it was one of the most painful things to see in the show.

Karnak

Apparently “the one who can see the flaw in everything” couldn’t repel down a damn cliff properly. He even tries to find his way at Hawaii using his powers but ends up back where he started. It’s the weakest I’ve seen Karnak ever. His last scene is him on a fetal position where he fell down. He just seemed so defeated. As the Dr.Strange effects to highlight his powers were cool, nothing has been working for him so far on the show.

Lockjaw and Crystal

The only 2 characters I genuinely loved throughout the show. :)

I give it a 4/10. This show’s saving grace could come in the form of a crossover with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. . Make it happen guys as this shitshow is bound to get cancelled. I will always love the Inhumans but I won’t give a biased review. Crossing my fingers episode 3 isn’t as fucking bad.

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